Slept so Long Without You
by GOYA1281
Summary: Companion piece to my stories I'm a Believer and the sequel Can't Fight the moonlight. This is a look at Carlisle's past with the mother of all vampires. This follows their relationship from the beginning to the heartbreaking end.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own anything twilight Stephanie Meyer does. I own my own characters. This is a companion piece to Can't Fight the Moonlight. This is about the relationship between Carlisle and my character Nathifa. To understand this you must read I'm a believer and Can't Fight the Moonlight to understand this story. Thank You.**

Carlisle POV:

I still can't believe that she is here in my home. It's been so long since that night. The night I left and never looked back. I hope she will forgive me for leaving the way I did. I was too much of a coward to say goodbye. Truthfully I never wanted to say goodbye but both of us knew we were not good together. There was passion, lust and strangely love but we were too different. We wanted different things. A love like ours was not meant to last. It started out fiery and passionate but dwindled to cold indifference.

I watch as she takes Sienna out for some training and I can't help think back on the time we spent together as lovers and friends. I remember the day I met her as if it happened moments ago. She's just as beautiful as she was the day I laid eyes on her.

_**300 hundred years ago….**_

It was a beautiful day here in Volterra. I decided to take a walk through the gardens. There was always so much to discover here. Aro, Marcus, and Casius have been very welcoming to me even though we don't share the same ideas about human life. I hope this walk can clear my mind. I've been feeling restless lately, like something was missing and I couldn't find it. I decide to sit under a tree and read my new book _The Tragedy of Sir Walter Raleigh by George Sewell. _I hope it will be able to take my mind off of things.

I'm lost in the pages of my book when suddenly the most glorious scent fills my nose, its orchids and jasmine. "How's your book." A beautiful voice asks. I look up and my breath hitches at the sight of the goddess in front of me. That is the only way to describe her. Her jet black hair is plaited and hangs about her shoulders. Her intense green eyes are lined in black kohl. He full lips pull into a glorious smile. "Does the cat have your tongue?" She asks as a small smile plays on her lips. I stand and make my introduction. "Oh…Im…sorry…Yes it's very good. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen and you are miss." I ask dying to know what this beautiful creature is called. "Nathifa is my name Dr. Cullen. It's very nice to make your acquaintance." She says in that melodic voice of hers.

"Would you like to walk with me Dr.? I've heard many interesting things about you from Aro." She tells me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Well I hope they were all good things." I say with a smile. "Oh yes. He praises you like none I've ever heard before. You are quiet the conundrum to them. They don't understand your compassion for human life. I on the other hand am quite pleased to hear of you diet choice. It makes me feel less guilty than I already do." She says sweetly. "What do you mean less guilty. What do you have to feel guilty about?" I ask. "I'm sorry I just assumed you knew about me. I Carlisle, if I may call you Carlisle am the original vampire. It's because of me that you exist. It just gives me some hope that not all of my spawn are monsters." She says gauging my expression.

She has literally left me speechless. I always wondered how it all began, but to see this young girl, for that is what she looked like and to think that it all started with her boggles my mind. "You don't feed on humans?" I ask still a little stunned. "No I don't, I've never have and never will. I'm practically without thirst, but I still drink blood from animals. I always felt that feeding on humans was wrong. We feed off of animals as humans why not as blood drinkers." She says passionately. I can't help but smile at her passion towards humans which matches my own.

We spend the next few hours talking about anything from literature to our favorite countries that we have traveled to. She has seen so much in her almost 5 thousand years on this earth. She makes my century of life seem so miniscule. We spend the night lying on the grass in the garden we first met. We look at the constellations and discuss the meaning of each one. I can't help but stare. She is absolutely breathtaking. I have seen many beautiful women through my life but she is the only one that seems to stir the desires of a man in me. My eyes travel the curve of her full breast down to the indentation of her waist and the swell of her full hips.

I was a son of a preacher and was taught that the thoughts that are running through my head right now are sinful but I can't help but feel this way around her. She sits up quickly and pulls me along with her. "Come I have the most wonderful thing to show you."She says excitement evident in her eyes. She not likes any female I've ever met. Most women I know are reserved and demur and chaste. Nathifa is wild and free. She was born during a time when the female form was worshiped in all its glory while I was taught to deny and repress the natural desires that come when looking at a beautiful woman.

We arrive at a beautiful lake. The water is so still it reflects the image of the moon like a mirror. "Isn't it divine? I found it yesterday." She says and then begins to remove her linen dress. I quickly turn around. "What are doing?" I ask slightly embarrassed. She chuckles softly and says "Don't tell me the good doctor is shy. I'm sure you have seen a naked form before." She says slightly mocking me. With my head still turned away I reply "Of course I have but you Madame our not in need of medical attention." "Carlisle you are not human anymore. You won't go to hell for looking at a naked woman. Live for once and come in join me. The water feels heavenly on my bare skin." She says. I turn to look at her and she smiles at me seductively. I groan inwardly at the sight of her in the moonlight with the tops of her breast peeking through the water.

For once I let my vampire instincts take over and I quickly undress and make my way into the water. It's the most liberating feeling I've ever felt. She splashes me playfully as we swim around each other. I pull her close to me enjoying the feel of her bare breast against my chest. I have never been this close to a woman especially one that was naked. She snakes her tiny arms around my neck and pulls me closer to her voluptuous body. Her luscious scent intoxicates me. "I believe you are corrupting me." I say. She gives me a wicked smile and says "I do believe I am Dr. Cullen." She suddenly pulls me into a lust filled kiss. It's like nothing I ever felt before.

She pushes her warm tongue in my mouth and I groan at the taste of her. She tastes as exotic as she looks. Like cardamom and rose water. I pull her closer loving the feel of her bare skin in the water. We are locked this way for several minutes never wanting it to end. She breaks the kiss first breathlessly. I can't help but feel smug at seeing her flushed cheeks. She is like no immortal I've ever met. She pulls me onto dry land and lies down on the ground pulling me on top of her.

"Make me yours." She whispers in my ear. I look down at her beautiful face and say nervously "I've never done this before." She smiles shyly at me and for the first time she looks truly young. She pulls me closer and whispers against my lips "Just follow you instincts." Then she pulls me into a slow and passion filled kiss. My hand begins to roam along her glorious body relishing the feel of every curve. She takes my hand and places gently against her glistening sex. I unsurely dip my finger between her slick folds and she moans loudly. With each stroke I gain confidence as she moans my name softly like a prayer. I add another finger and I groan at how tight and wet she feels. I continue my ministrations while I kiss her soft throat and shoulders. She holds me tighter while she comes undone. The walls of her sex clench down on my fingers as she releases her warm fluids on my hand.

After a few moments her breathing becomes even and relaxed. She pulls me closer as I settle between her legs, my hard member right at her entrance. "Carlisle I need you now." She says huskily causing my stiff erection to twitch. I lock eyes with her as I slowly thrust my self deep in her wet core. "Oh god." I moan and nearly cum at how warm and wet she feels. I pause for a moment and then pull all the way out and thrust again. We both moan at how good the sensation feels. I continue with my slow thrust causing us to both groan in pleasure. "Faster, Carlisle, faster." She says breathlessly. I comply with her demand and push deeper and faster into her glorious sex. I can feel a tightening below my navel and it's a delicious torture of pain and pleasure. I can feel all the muscles of my body tense waiting for a sweet release. Nathifa moans louder "Carlisle…oh…Car…lisle!!" as she cums pulling me over the edge with her. I moan softly as I release my hot seed in her waiting core. I fall onto my back breathless and spent.

I look at her as she practically glows in the moonlight. Yes this beautiful creature has definitely corrupted me and I would not have it any other way.

**A/N: I hope you like this look at Carlisle's past with Nathifa. Things will definitely heat up between them. Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own anything twilight Stephanie Meyer does. I only own my characters.**

CarlislePOV:

The days are just flying by now that Nathifa is in my life. We left Volterra a few days after we made love for the first time. I'm excited to be able to see the world with her. She is unlike any being I ever knew. She is so free and untamed. She draws attention where ever we go. She still dresses like the ancient Egyptian goddess she was. I asked her once why she didn't wear traditional clothing and try to blend in as I do. "I was never one to fade into the background."She replied with a sweet smile. Sometimes I wish I had half of her confidence.

We were currently renting a house on Rhodes an island off the cost of Greece. I could stay here forever with her just like this. She had just come back from a hunt and her skin and cheeks were flush with color as the blood coursed through her body. It was one of the rare occasions when her silky black hair was out of its plaits and fell to her waist in waves and she wore no kohl on her eyes. She was even more beautiful without her exotic trappings.

I watched as she stood on the balcony with the breeze off the ocean blowing her long hair about her. It was in this moment that I knew I loved her and that I always will. She looks over her shoulder at me and gives me a sexy smirk. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her waist and place my chin on her shoulder. She leans into me and the feel of her skin warmed from her recent hunt feels so good against my cold hard skin. It fascinates me that she is immortal but that her skin can be pierced like a human. The only difference is that she can heal impossibly fast.

The white of her dress makes her skin glow. She never shies away from baring her skin or body unlike me who was extremely shy about her seeing my naked form. She has a band of fabric tied tightly around her full breast and her torso is bare. Her skirt hangs low on her full hips. She turns to face me and kisses me softly on the lips. I could never get enough of her cardamom and rose water taste. "I would have you love me."She says in her sensual voice. A voice that caresses you when spoke. We were just two people standing next to each other in this moment. A man and a woman and she looks indescribably lovely to me, so pure and otherworldly. "I already do."I say honestly. She pulls me closer and her shining green orbs lock with my golden ones and she says "I love you too."

She bites her tongue with her tiny fang then pulls me into a fierce kiss. The taste of her mixed with the blood is the most intoxicating thing I have ever experienced. It's the sweetest nectar and the monster in me screams out for more. She pulls away breathless and her plump lips are swollen and stained red from the kiss. Her blood dances through my veins and makes me feel like I'm drunk on the sweetest wine. "Come with me."She says. She leads me to the brocade sofa and sits me down.

She stands in the center of our bedroom with her back to me. She begins to sway her hips seductively. Her body moves like a snake. She slowly unties the knot that is holding her top to her body. She glances over her shoulder then drops the fabric to the floor. My desire for her is evident by the bulge in my trousers. She continues to move like a belly dancer. Her luscious hips swaying causing me to groan in anticipation, then she pushes her full skirt down and lets it pool at her bare feet. She turns around and stands completely bare in front of me and the sight is exquisite.

She climbs in my lap straddling my waist. I can't help but run my hands up and down her smooth skin. She has brought out a side of me that I never knew existed. I feel so free with her. Free of what was socially acceptable, proper, and morally right. None of those things matter when I am with her. I spent my human life doing what was expected of me by my father. It was only as a vampire that I was free to be the young man I truly was.

Nathifa is a force of nature that no matter how hard you try you can't fight it and I don't want to. The demon in me relishes the carnal pleasure I share with her. I pull her closer to me and kiss her passionately. Her tiny fingers make fast work of my shirt and soon it is off. The feel of her hands on my marble chest causes me to become even harder. I continue to kiss her slender throat down to her collar bone. She arches her back exposing her beautiful breast to me. I suckle both causing her to moan my name repeatedly like a prayer. I kisse the swell of her breast and the monster in me can't resist the urge to bite her. I plunge my teeth in her soft flesh and her blood runs over my tongue like the smoothest silk.

I pulled away drunk on her essence. The wound heals almost immediately. All that is left are a few droplets of sweet blood that I greedily lap up. She climbs off my lap and pulls me towards the bed. She hastily helps me out of my trousers. We fell on the bed intertwining our limbs in a sensual embrace. We spend the rest of the night exploring and discovering each others bodies and pleasuring each other till we are spent and contented.

_**Present Day…**_

A knock on my door brings me out of my memories. "Come in." I say. Edward comes in my office with a perplexed expression on his face. He obviously has seen my memories of my time with Nathifa. "What can I do for you Edward?"I ask. "Nothing, I just wanted to talk with you. I'll just get to the point. Are you still in love with her?" My son asks with a serious expression on his face. I try to choose my words carefully. "Do I love her? Yes. I always will. Am I in love with her? No. I am completely in love with Esme." I say as honestly as I can. He looks at me trying to read my thoughts to see if I'm being honest with him and myself. "It's just I see the way the two of you are together and it just seems to close. I don't know what she feels for you. Her mind is closed off to me."He says worriedly. "Son when you have loved someone so completely and shared all of yourself with that person there will always be intimacy with them regardless if you are with them or not."I say trying to explain the familiarity that Nathifa and I share. He nods his head in understanding. "I just don't want anyone getting hurt. I guess like any child I don't want anyone getting in between my parents."He says with a smirk. "You and the rest of the family have nothing to worry about. I won't be running of with Nathifa in the night. Her heart has always been destined for someone else." I say sadly thinking back to our time together. No matter how in love we were there always seemed to be someone else for her. I tried my best but you can't fight a ghost.

**A/N: Please Review. Next up things will get a bit strained for the young lovers. Not all is well in paradise.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't own twilight Stephanie Meyer does. I own my characters.**

Carlisle POV:

_**Past…**_

"Nathifa please talk to me. Don't shut me out." I say exasperated. "You're ashamed of me that's what it is. Why do you care so much what other people say?" She yells at me. "I don't care what anyone says. Why won't you marry me?" I plead. "What is wrong with how things are? Why do we have to define it? Dose a piece of paper really matter? It won't make me love you any more than I already do." She replies annoyed. "I've always wanted to settle down and have a wife and home. We travel around so much. I want to start working at a hospital again. I want to feel like I'm making a difference again." I say passionately.

"We can do that. I promise, but why must we marry. I'm already yours." She says pleadingly. I know she says the words but sometimes I feel like she is only half of mine. There is a part of her I can't touch. A part she won't share with me. "Are you?" I say bitterly. "What is that suppose to mean?" She retorts. "You keep apart of yourself hidden from me. You won't tell me about your past. Anytime I ask you to marry me it turns into a fight. What are you so afraid of?" I say. "Honestly I don't know Carlisle. I've given you all I can. Either you take or leave it." She says and stomps away.

I punch the wall in frustration. She is the only one that has ever pushed me to be this angry. I lay in our bed and close my eyes just trying to calm myself. Suddenly I feel her next to me. It always amazes me how fast she can move. "I'm sorry." She says softly. I turn my head and look into her eyes and I see so much love shining back at me. "I'm sorry too." I say. I pull her close and let her tantalizing scent take over me. I don't know why this can't be enough for me. It's like I need to claim her to make her mine. Like I need to mark her to prove she belongs to me. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle but I don't want to give up.

"Let me take you to London. I can show you all the places I knew growing up." I say trying to lighten the tension between us. "I'd like that. Carlisle I love you so much. You know that right." She says with concern in her eyes. "Of course I do. I love you too." I say and kiss her pouty lips. She pulls me closer to deepen the kiss. I groan in pleasure and frustration. It's seems lately all we do is fight and make up. There is hardly ever a balance anymore. I can't resist her. She's like a drug and I can't get her out of my system. I know in the long run she is no good for me but I need her to feel alive, to feel free. I'm afraid if I lose her I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

We spend the next several years like this. Loving and hating each other. No matter how much I love her I can't help but feel some resentment towards her. I want to settle down and have a home and she won't. I keep trying to tell myself that it will change. She'll come around and be my wife but she doesn't. It's moments like these I wish I were still human so I can have a nice stiff drink.

_**Present day…**_

I shake my head and clear my thoughts. Why does she always have this effect on me? I love my wife but she still seems to have a hold on me. I leave the house to get away from old ghosts. I walk aimlessly not really paying attention when I see Nathifa sitting on a fallen log with her beautiful silken hair free from its plaits with a gentle breeze blowing it about her.

"Would you care for some company?" I ask timidly. A small smile plays on her lips. "For you anytime." She says patting the space next to her. I sit next to her and instinctively I grab her hand. We spent a lifetime together so it just seems natural to hold her tiny hand. "A penny for you thoughts." She says with a smile. "I was just thinking of us. Do you think things would have been different if you had agreed to marry me?" I ask. She turns to face me and takes my face in her small hands. She looks me in the eyes and places a small kiss on my lips. She still tastes the same. Cardamom and rose water. "I don't think it would have mattered. It just would have been even more difficult in the end. We were not meant to be even though we tried so hard. Esme is exactly what you always wanted. I'm happy you found her. She's given you everything I couldn't." She says softly.

"My only regret is I didn't say goodbye." I say and pull her close to me. "It was over long before you left that night. Neither one of us wanted to admit it." She says with a sad smile. I hold her closer and bury my nose in her glossy tresses taking in as much of her scent I could. It's seemed so natural to take such liberties with her. She did not push me away but held onto me tighter. I hadn't realized how much I missed her till now. Not only was she my first love but also my best friend. It was good to have my friend again.

**A/N: Please Review. Next up the break up.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**Past…**_

It's been 35 years since I met and feel in love with Nathifa. Thirty five years of traveling, loving, and fighting with each other. No matter how hard I try she won't give in to me. She won't be my wife. I've slowly come to the realization that she never will give me more than what she has already given to me. I love her and I know she loves me but something is missing. Neither one of us are brave enough to admit it.

"What are you doing home so early?" She asks as she places lilies in a vase. I watch her every movement. How graceful she is and how beautiful she is. I had hoped our love would be enough but it's not. I can feel my unbeating heart break at the thought of losing her but I know that I can't keep going on like this. "It' seems my love that I have been let go." I say solemnly. "How can that be you're the best doctor in the whole dam place." She says angrily. Her fiery spirit is what I love the most and will miss the most.

"Well we have been found out." I say flatly. "What do you mean? They can't possibly know what we are." She says looking at me intensely. "It seems my love that they don't approve of us living in sin." I say bitterly. It's almost comical to think of a vampire living in sin with his mate. I watch as she crosses her tiny arms across her chest and pace back and forth angrily. "They can't do this. We won't let them. It's none of their business if we're married or not. Who are they to judge us?" She sneers. "In the eyes of god what we are doing is wrong." I say gauging her reaction.

She stops pacing and glares at me. "Don't speak to me of your god or of his flock of sheep. They are no better than us. Attending church with deceiving piety, hands clasp in prayer when really they are only thinking of themselves. They should be worrying about the real monsters like us that walk amongst them. Where is your god when one of us so cruelly feeds on his precious sheep? Why does he let us exist? Tell me do you have the answer because I don't." She says anger burning in her green eyes.

"I was born a man of faith and I will always have my beliefs Nathifa. I've been waiting around trying so hard for you too see how much I need you and love you. No matter what I do I will never completely have your heart." I say the hurt evident in my voice. She closes her eyes and the tears begin to fall. I pull her roughly into my arms afraid to let go. "I can't give you what I don't have to give." She says sadly. "I can't stay and you can't go so where does that leave us." I say softly as I pull her silken hair from her glossy plaits. I run my hands through her glorious locks memorizing the feel because I know after tonight I won't have her anymore.

"My heart is breaking." She whispers softly then kisses me with all the passion she can muster. I pull her closer to me never wanting this feeling to end but knowing that it must. She pulls me towards our bedroom and quickly disrobes. Once I'm free from my clothing we hungrily kiss and touch each other trying desperately to hold on to what we have. But we both know deep down inside that this is all we have left.

I lay her gently on the bed taking in her luscious form. She pulls me down for a kiss and I run my hands along her curves making my heart ache knowing that I'll never have her in this way again. She runs her small hands up and down my back causing my skin to tingle all over. I kiss her beautiful breast relishing the feel of her soft mounds against my lips. I softly bite the swell of her breast letting her delicious blood fill my mouth one last time. The taste of her will be forever etched in my mind. She moans softly at the sensation of me lapping at her full breast. She grabs my hair and pulls me in for a hard and passionate kiss that makes my head spin.

This will not be gentle love making. This will be hard and fast sex full of hurt, loss, love, and sadness. I settle my hard member between her silky welcoming thighs and thrust deep in her wet sex. We both moan loudly not caring who can hear us. She wraps her legs around my waist bringing me deeper with each thrust. I pick up the pace and plunge harder and faster in her hot core making her whimper my name softly. She clings to me tighter as if she knows that when she lets go I will be gone. I reach down between us and rub her sensitive bundle making her cum clenching down hard on my throbbing member. I spill my venom deep in her moaning her name like a prayer.

I roll off of her and she cuddles close to me. I hold her tightly in my arms and watch as she drifts off the sleep. We stay like this for a few hours. When the sun sets I quietly and quickly gather my things not wanting to wake her up. I feel like a coward running away in the middle of the night but I know if I take one look into her beautiful green eyes I won't be able to leave. I know that won't be what's best for either of us.

I take on last look at my love trying to commit to memory all the things about her I can. I place a chaste kiss on her plump lips and with my vampire speed I leave the house. If I could cry I would be. She's my first love, my only love right now but I hope the future will bring me someone that will love me the way I love them. I believe that someday no matter how far away that will be I will get the family I so desire and need.

_**Present day…**_

I look out the window of my office and watch as my family both vampire and wolf gather outside together to learn from each other. It makes my heart swell knowing that I've finally gotten everything I had hoped for long ago. Even now I've been lucky enough to gain the one piece I had been missing for so long, the piece that makes everything even better my best friend. It felt as though I've been asleep so long without her but now I'm awake and I've finally come full circle. I'm finally whole.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please Review. **


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